“ post love, denial or grieve. ”
listography ⠂ status.cafe ⠂ thoughts
it's my first time watching supernatural & god, it's been a life changing experience. yesterday i've seen the season eight final episode and i can assure you, i'll never forget dean & sam's heart to heart.
“i can't do it without you.”
“you can barely do it with me. i mean, you think i screw up everything i try. you think i need a chaperone, remember?”
“come on, man, that's not what i meant.”
“it's exactly what you meant. you wanna know what i confessed in there? what my greatest sin was? it was how many times i'd let you down. i can't do that again.”
“sam.”
“what happens when you've decided i can't be trusted again? who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me? another angel? another...? another vampire? you have any idea what it feels like to watch your brother--?”
how do i even begin? i have so many things to say about this transcript in specific. my heart is going to break every damn time i remember how sam's biggest sin from his perspective was the fact that he failed his big brother. the youngest winchester is truly a gem, you know? he's so much more complex than most people can really get. sam's better at hiding his feelings & this is what confuses everyone on thinking he doesn't care about dean, when deep down, he's afraid of failing his brother and losing his trust all over again.
⠀ *。◌ ⠀
it's not the first time it occurred to me, but i still find it very funny that i have creativity peaks in the weirdest times possible. i'll always be in the shower or in the dreamland. yesterday, i woke up early in the morning to drink water & when i was almost fading back to sleep i had to reach for my phone & write down a piece of dialogue i made up in my head while thinking of jasper hale. it surely isn't the most incredible thing you'll read in your life, but, for me, it was the sweetest thing i could've ever thought about.
“words would never be able to express how i feel towards you, my darlin'. but i need you to know that it will always be you & me for the eternity, beyond that and in every universe.”
“i’m glad i got to spend your life with me, even if i can’t spend mine with you.”
oh, my heart is broken beyond repair. it's clearly something lemony snicket would write to beatrice.
sometimes — all the time, if i'm being honest — it feels suffocating. my brain is so full & i'm not able to stop thinking, not even for a moment. and the worst is that i'm, also, not able to put my thoughts into words. i've lost count of how many times i tried writing and nothing came out the way i wanted. it's all stuck inside of me & it's like i'm going to drown. it's a never ending writer's block. always fatigued, always tired.